If I Stay (If I Stay, #1) by Gayle FormanLibrarian note: an alternate cover for this edition can be found here.
Just listen, Adam says with a voice that sounds like shrapnel.
I open my eyes wide now.
I sit up as much as I can.
And I listen.
Stay, he says.
Choices. Seventeen-year-old Mia is faced with some tough ones: Stay true to her first love—music—even if it means losing her boyfriend and leaving her family and friends behind?
Then one February morning Mia goes for a drive with her family, and in an instant, everything changes. Suddenly, all the choices are gone, except one. And its the only one that matters.
If I Stay is a heartachingly beautiful book about the power of love, the true meaning of family, and the choices we all make.
10 Ways Borderline Mothers Deeply Wound Their Children
Helping an Adult Child with Borderline Personality Disorder: Recovering Together Through Treatment
Developmental theories of borderline personality disorder BPD posit that transactions between child characteristics and adverse environments, especially those in the context of the parent-child relationship, shape and maintain symptoms of the disorder over time. However, very little empirical work has investigated the role of parenting and parent-child transactions that may predict BPD severity over time. Adolescent girls completed a structured conflict discussion task with their mothers at age Girls' self-reported BPD severity scores were assessed annually from ages Mother-adolescent interactions were coded using a global rating system of maternal and dyadic affective behaviors.
The devastating effects of untreated borderline personality disorder BPD can severely restrict the functioning of people with the disorder, create extraordinary emotional distress, and lead to chronic psychological instability. But the impact of BPD is not limited to the person with the disorder; symptoms bleed into the lives of those around them and deeply shape the quality of interpersonal relationships. Often, the most seriously affected are the children of a mother with borderline personality disorder, as the disorder interferes with normal, healthy parenting behaviors and parent-child dynamics, while increasing the risk of environmental instability, drug and alcohol exposure , and poor family cohesion. As a result, the very foundation of your formative psychosocial development may be compromised, leaving you vulnerable to ongoing psychological, behavioral, and interpersonal difficulties that interfere with your sense of self, quality of life, and capacity for joy. The damage of borderline personality disorder on children can begin in the earliest stages of infancy and disrupt the development of secure attachment and engagement. Studies have found that interactions between mothers with BPD and their infant children are characterized by insensitivity, high levels of intrusion, and low levels of positive response to infant distress.
Remember that change is difficult to achieve and fraught with fears. Progress evokes fears of abandonment. The families of people with Borderline Personality Disorder can tell countless stories of instances in which their son or daughter went into crisis just as that person was beginning to function better or to take on more responsibility. The coupling of improvement with a relapse is confusing and frustrating but has a logic to it. When people make progress — by working, leaving day treatment, helping in the home , diminishing self-destructive behaviors, or living alone- they are becoming more independent.
Developing understanding and practicing validation will help you develop a healthier relationship with your child. By seeking and staying involved in treatment, you can give your child and your family the chance to find lasting recovery. Having a child with borderline personality disorder BPD can be heartbreaking. The instability, emotional volatility, self-injury, and suicide attempts that so often accompany the illness devastate you emotionally and leave you feeling lost, helpless, and alone. You find yourself walking on eggshells, hoping to avoid the next blow up, never knowing what the next trigger will be. In your darkest moments, you fear losing them altogether.
Some people are lucky to have a healthy, loving relationship with their mom. But if that's never been the case for you, you might be wondering what happened, what went wrong, or why you just can't get along. While there are countless causes of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships, one possible explanation could be that your mom has borderline personality disorder BDP. BPD makes it difficult to have stable relationships — and that can play out in toxic ways between moms and their kids. If your mom never enters treatment specific to BPD it will be difficult, or maybe even impossible, to have a consistently positive relationship with her. That's because this personality disorder is marked by a rigid pattern of unhealthy and abnormal thinking and behaving, and is focused on chronic instability in mood, behavior, relationships, and self-image, Feinblatt tells me. That can, for obvious reasons, truly take a toll on how your mom feels, and how she treats you as a result.